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A message from Liv to all of you --- One of the hardest things I've had to deal with has been the incest in my life. Psychology tells us that we are severely damaged, and the earlier the incest occurs the harder it is to recover. My observation today is that psychology does not have all the answers. After years of counseling, and much of it being bad, I have concluded that God's way of healing is forgiveness and prayer. I have had extensive counseling, Christian and non Christian, read everything I could on incest or child abuse. Have met many women who have experienced similar backgrounds. What I run into are joyless and hurting people who are still struggling with recovery, or people who want to use my past against me. I too struggle, but have joy. The joy comes from God. When I confront the issues I find that I can go on to whatever is on my plate at the moment. Which is precisely where all of us are supposed to be as believers. The health in my life comes from forgiving my perpetrators and praying for health in their lives. The more I pray the freer I become, the more peace and joy enter into my life. Forgiving them, father, stepfather, mother, brother, husband does not make them repent, but does give me peace. Every time some thought comes to my mind I can either entertain the thought of abuse or give it back to God and forgive the offense. I then notice the thoughts diminish. I get untied from these problems, and I give them to God and I get on with whatever I needed to be doing at the moment. Forgiving people, because they 'know not what they do' is 'casting my burden upon the Lord', He does protect me and He does keep me on the path. Glory to God and thanks for His gift of forgiveness! The greatest thanks I have, in life, is for getting a focus, a purpose, knowing I have meaning. That happened when I became a Christian at the age of 21 (36 years ago...smile). In the movie "Shall We Dance?" Susan Sarandon says about her marriage and her husband that the whole point is for someone to validate your purpose and your existence. That's a nice thought, and that is what we do as parents to our children and to each other in marriage, and in friendship. Better yet, God has validated us when He gives us new life and breathes life into our broken-ness through His Holy Spirit, and His Son. Jesus says in the bible "We love because He first loved us." How does this work when historically the people we've been around are a bit skewed, and we've become skewed. What is truth? We have a lopsided foundation and we try to fit into someone else’s ideals or set up our own. Both ways bring disappointment. So we enter into the great hurts in life and nurse them or forgive them in our own strength. Those tactics soon bring disappointment too. The only thing that has ever worked for me, and gives me great joy as well as anguish, has been to follow what God set up, by example through His Son, and is validated in the bible. We choose to forgive, only through obedience, when we don't feel like it. We ask Him to give us the strength, and we follow His example. Actually it's the example of God throughout the bible, He is always forgiving Abraham, Noah, David, Paul, Peter etc., when they come to Him and ask Him. It's the seed dying, when I know that I have no other choice and I am so miserable that I want to lie down and die, then I submit to God and ask Him for strength, and He gives it to me. I don't know why, I'm dust, but He loves me and breathes life back into me. My childhood was spent in confusion. No anchor. My parents knew how to look good. Had position and authority. We had nice military homes. My step father was the commander of three medical battalions in the Army. My mother was a German who grew up in Berlin during World War II, and liked being the commander's wife...smile....don't we all?! In my family I was the scapegoat. I was the second illegitimate child of my mother and another American officer, who had a wife and two children in the US. Mom married my stepfather when I was three years old and he adopted my older brother and me and brought us to the US before I turned four. Tom, my older brother, was smarter, better looking and stronger than me and we were two scared little children when we 'perched' in Virginia in 1952 on our first military base. War by itself is hell, and our parents had serious problems before the war. There was sexual abuse in all (father, stepfather and mother) their families. They had been abused and they were abusers, emotional, verbal and sexual. They knew how to cover their discretions and they knew how to divide and control. They were boundary violators. They lived with a lot of frustrations and let their anger out on their children, because that seems to be an easy thing to do, children don't know how to fight back. I was the second child and watched my brother get physically and verbally beaten. I decided to be a peace keeper and anticipate their needs and work as hard as possible to keep them happy, trying to ensure my own safety. I couldn't control them, but I sure tried. They couldn't be trusted and I would mentally close them off. This led to accepting a lot of lies, working like crazy to keep them happy, and dying emotionally. When I was sixteen I tried to commit suicide. It was a half assed attempt and didn't work. I really wanted my parents attention. When I was 20, the guy I had wanted to marry, didn't want to marry me and I decided that it was time to die, and this time it wouldn't be half assed, I was waiting for the right moment. I also knew no one would miss me. I had no validation. A few months later, Skip Ohs, a handsome young man, entered my life and led me to Christ. Now my commitment to Christ was because Skip cried when he told me how much God loved me, and that he had people praying for me. I had never had any man cry over me much less deem me important enough to have his friends pray for me. So I made a 'half-assed' commitment, with no other motive than compassion for his tears, I was touched, and I was a selfish person. I really didn't expect anything from God. How surprised I was when I started seeing answers to prayers and understanding the Bible! I also didn't want to die. That idea totally went away and I felt that I had meaning, that I mattered. I knew that I was validated. This has been a wonderful, scary, exciting walk. I mess up a lot. I get forgiven a lot. I know God loves me. I know Christ died for me. I know that I have a future and that I have to die to my sins, and I know that "He who began a good work in me, will complete it." I look forward to meeting you! Blessings
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